Thursday, December 11, 2008

Makin' Whoopie.

I was in my car last night listening to the Blues station when a song came up and refered to "making whoopie". I'm just curious if anyone uses that term anymore... if they ever really did. If it was in fact used, can you imagine how awkward it was?

Now, I'm not so sure anyone can or would want to imagine their parents having sex, but imagine the two of them bringing it up to one another:

Your Mom: Dear, I'm in the mood.
Your Dad: I want you to ride me like Harley Davidson!

Awkward to think about right? Imagine how awkward it would be (as yourself) suggesting that you "make whoopie"- with anyone! No matter who it's with, adding making whoopie can make the situation more awkward than imagining your parents knockin' the Nikes:

You: Hey. I noticed you were looking at me before. I find you really attractive and would love to sweep you away to my mansion in malibu. You don't mind riding in a convertable, do you? My Farrari tends to go fast and the wind may mess your hair up. When we get to my place, we could maybe have a nightcap and make whoopie under the stars...

Carmen Electra: Let's go.

See that? Just weird. Let's reverse it for the ladies.

Brad Pitt: Want to make whoopie?

You: What about Angelina?

Brad Pitt: She also likes whoopie with women.

You: Yes, please!

What a mood killer! Even the sexiest 3 way in the history of all humankind comes off jokey when you include "making whoopie" in the proposition. It could be regional. Whoopie strikes me as kind of a Southern thing.

Brittney Spears: Let's make whoopie, y'all!

Y'all: NO!

Can't take it seriously unless you're K Fed, who actually does strike me as the type of guy that might use "makin' whoopie" as a pickup line.

K Fed: Seeing as how I paid for them chicken fingers you ate, I think we should make whoopie in the back of the Escalade Britney bought me.

Hooker: OK!

I'm pretty sure any other term for sex would be more acceptable in any given circumstance than "making whoopee". Even if you make it up.

You: Honey, do you think after the movie we could go home and "churn the butter"?

Your Partner: Churn the butter?

You: You know... "fluff the pillows"?

Your Partner: You mean "make whoopie"?

Totally unacceptable.

Even Whoopie Goldberg's parents didn't "make whoopie" when they conceived her since her real name is Karen. Practical joke companies may make whoopie cushions but they're not mattresses. Even joke companies know not to name a product something funnier than the actual product. There's just no proper application for the term "makin' whoopie".

Unless it's in a Blues song. Because as far as I know, that's the only use it ever gets.

(Oops, sorry K Fed... forgot about you again)

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